What Separates Us from the Animals

• Tax Evasion
• Relatively Low Curiosity about Smells
• Bars/Glass
• Animal age is computed as a simple product, while human age is calculated by a complex differential equation formulated to make oneself appear as young as is plausible in any given group
• While embarrassment over nakedness has been overcome, embarrassment over dated fashions has gained strength. The evolutionary purpose of this trait is as yet unclear.
• Inability to lick own genitals (so far)!
• That there are no hipsters in nature is a common misconception; some chimps are born hipsters, but in amazing display of social complexity, chimps beat their hipsters into repression with Miley Cyrus brand scented candles from Wal-Mart. Unironically.
• Snooze function.
• This thing separates animals only
• Electric guitars. Frogs play banjo, which of course requires no electricity.

BTW someone (my dad?) took me to see this when I was a wee tot. I’m pretty fuzzy on the details of the plot, but I still remember this song. It f***ing owns. I liked movie music a lot better when it was much more moody and sentimental – songs that set the tone for a fantastic (ordinarily unbelievable), maudlin story. Nowadays Hollywood takes itself waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously; and nothing goes into a movie that can’t stand on its own as a consumer product with mass market appeal.